Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
