No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
