I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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