She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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