She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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