Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize