At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
