I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
