I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
