its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
