Someone shit on the floor
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
