I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
