what day is it and did you see me today?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
