dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
