I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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