Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
