ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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