i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
