waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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