i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
