We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
