So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
