I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
