That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
