garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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