i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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