She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i think i just lost a toe
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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