it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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