Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
