He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
