I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
