On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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