I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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