yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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