youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
