dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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