I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
