how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
