Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
