Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
