At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
