I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
