im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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