Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
