well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
