He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
