I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
