I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
