Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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