i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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