I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
