The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize