hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
