everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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