I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
