did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize