May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
