maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
