I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
