He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
