Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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