i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
