Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
