I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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