you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
