you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
