please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
