Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
