I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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