So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
