whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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