a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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