She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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