that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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